


Of Pink Tapirs And Broom Closets

by MiladyDeWinter (Techno_Queen)



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Constructive Criticism Welcome, Gen, I repeat, Jack is NOT the Winter Suzerain in this, This is basically just random humor because I got tired of angst, also this is NOT set in the Suzerain-verse, and a little bit of fluff, and randomness, he's just a minor winter spirit, so have some humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 01:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Techno_Queen/pseuds/MiladyDeWinter
Summary: Prompt from the rotg_kink meme:Jack’s not the only winter spirit.It's just the others are REALLY fucking scary, except maybe one or two.At the beginning when word on the frost coated street was that there's a new kid they all jumped at the chance for a new kid because it's been so LONG since one showed up,and they proceed to freak him out immensely and he never talks to them again. They are kind of like that estranged side of the family that you hate visiting and never want to show your friends.Unfortunately, like that estranged side of the family, they always turn up somehow.+1000 for including that North is technically part of this "family" in that the actual Russian Santa is called Ded Moroz, which translates as Father Frost.





	Of Pink Tapirs And Broom Closets

**Author's Note:**

> Jack is NOT the Winter Suzerain in this work. I repeat, he is NOT the Winter Suzerain. This is unrelated to all my other works, and was just written for the lolz because I got a bit fed up with writing angst.

There was a reason, that is to say several reasons, but there was a main reason that was more important than the other reasons, hence why Jack usually only thought of there being one reason, which was perhaps slightly erroneous, but it was easier to keep track of things this way and he hadn’t needed to keep track of anything for over three hundred years so give him a break already, that Jack hated North’s annual Christmas parties. 

It wasn’t just the people, although that certainly played a role. Jack, while excellent with kids, wasn’t very good at socializing with other spirits who weren’t kids, because he’d already been a bit of an introvert before his rebirth and three hundred years of solitude did not do much to improve social skills that you’ve never had in the first place. Not to mention that most spirits either hated him or were scared of him or both, because he was a winter spirit and almost everyone else was a prejudiced ninny, and the only ones who wanted to talk to him were the Guardians and other winter spirits, and the other winter spirits terrified him because they were, quite frankly, completely insane. Which wasn’t to say that Jack wasn’t a bit insane as well, because again, three hundred years of solitude anyone? But the fact remained that he was only marginally insane, and the other winter spirits were _completely_ insane, and yeah. No. He did not want to be anywhere near them.

He was, after all, still recovering from the first time he’d met them some two hundred and seventy-four years ago, when all of the yuki-onna had tried (and failed miserably) to hug him at the same time, Jokul Frosti had given him a blood-stained sword and launched into a speech about the various execution methods used by humans during the fourteenth century, General Winter had nearly set him on fire (the man had an unhealthy and somewhat paradoxical obsession with matches), and Old Man Winter had turned him into a pink tapir with glitter-encrusted fairy wings. Not that Jack had anything against tapirs, or the color pink, or fairy wings, or glitter, but it was just that he didn’t appreciate being turned into a creature that shared all of the characteristics by some people that he’d never met before, all at four in the morning, and it was enough to drive a bit of a wedge between himself and the ‘others’.

And that, in fact, brought us to the real reason that Jack hated North’s Christmas parties, and that was because North always insisted on inviting _all_ the winter spirits (because apparently North was also a winter spirit, and all winter spirits were faaaaaamily, and he just had to invite all the crazies because otherwise the Snow Queen would never talk to him again, and Jack really thought that North should care less about the Snow Queen because the two didn’t suit each other _at all_ and they would make a terrible couple, but since when had North ever listened to his advice? Never, that’s when). Which in turn led us to Jack’s current activity, which was hiding in a corner of North’s Workshop while hoping against all hope that he would not get cornered (ha) by a fellow winter spirit.

Of course, as he was now a Guardian, this automatically meant that there were four people all meddling in his life, so it took approximately three minutes for Tooth to notice his withdrawal from society, track him down, and demand what he was doing in the broom closet and why wasn’t he having fun with the other spirits and was he alright and would he like some strawberries? They were so good for your teeth!

“I’m fine, Tooth. And I don’t want to socialize,” he explained, deliberately ignoring the bowl of strawberries that Tooth was brandishing in front of his face. Absentmindedly, he pushed away a broom that had fallen on top of him when Tooth had first thrown the door to the closet open.

“Nonsense, Jack! You need to socialize! It’ll be fun!” Tooth’s voice scraped against his eardrums like a rake against a concrete sidewalk.

“It will be anything _but_ fun, Tooth. I assure you that most spirits hate me. If I leave this closet, I will be torn into pieces before you can say ‘Man in the Moon.’”

By this time, Tooth had realized that trying to get Jack to eat the strawberries was a futile endeavor, and she had begun to snack on them herself, popping strawberry slices into her mouth one at a time and chewing them noisily. “Don’t be silly, Jack. Nobody would try to kill a Guardian. Besides, aren’t there other winter spirits you can mingle with?”

Jack’s eyes widened in horror. “No. No. Do _not_ even go there. I refuse, absolutely _refuse_ to talk with other winter spirits, and you can’t make me. North is bad enough as it is.” 

Tooth paused between strawberries. “Bad enough? Jack, what are you talking about?”

“You seriously don’t know?”

Tooth shook her head, cheeks bulging with strawberries and making her look somewhat like a psychotic chipmunk. Briefly, Jack wondered how she’d managed to cram so many berries into her mouth so quickly, but decided not to bring it up, instead sighing as he began to explain. “It’s just...all the winter spirits are insane, okay? And I don’t mean the harmless insanity, like collecting orange bat wings or taxiderming used cellphones before mounting them on your wall. I mean the sort of insanity that prompts you to regale complete strangers with stories about fourteenth-century execution and torture methods, or to set said strangers on fire with matches and lighter fluid.”

Tooth blinked. “Those are...oddly specific examples.”

“I’ve had an oddly specific life. Anyway, I wouldn’t mind this so much, in fact if they’d sprung this on me in a less rushed manner than maybe I would have even accepted it. But, as mentioned before, winter spirits are completely insane and can’t do anything in even a slightly reasonable manner. So, there I am, a spirit who's barely a few decades old, and then Old Man Winter, Jokul Frosti, General Winter, and about twenty yuki-onna all show up at the same time to ‘welcome’ me. I ended up stuck in a ditch, covered in burn-marks whilst holding a bloodstained sword and wondering how to reverse the spell that had turned me into a glittery pink tapir with wings.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah. Not the best first impression.”

“Well, that explains a lot. I can see why you wouldn't want to talk with any of them. Although I have to ask, why a tapir?”

“I honestly have no idea. Go ask Old Man Winter. Or maybe don’t, it doesn’t sound like a very good idea.”

“I concur. Strawberries?” she asked, holding out the bowl which still had an ample number of the fruits.

He considered for a moment, before reaching for the bowl. “Actually, I think I will…Want to sit here with me for a bit? There is some room if you squeeze in the space between the vacuum cleaner and the water boiler. I mean, I understand if you don’t, because this is just a broom closet and there isn’t much room, but I’m a bit lonely and I can’t really go anywhere else until this party is over--”

“Say no more. Never let it be said that Toothiana has abandoned a friend in need. Now, where is this vacuum cleaner of which you speak?”

**Author's Note:**

> ...I don't even know.
> 
> Constructive criticism welcome.


End file.
